"You"

On a blog I love to read, there was a post about “you” still being “you” and “him” still being “him”. The situation I’m in is definitely not the same one that this refers to, but it definitely still applies. My “you” has changed with time in the past, but I don’t think it’ll change again for a while. This has been the ultimate “you”. The one that changes the course of events; the one that made everything different. There’s no point in sitting around moping, but, I’ve realized, the only thing to do is accept the change and adapt. Adaptability is not a strength of mine. According to the quiz we had to take for my job, my top five strengths are in order as follows: individualization, futuristic, learner, focus, activator. This essentially translates that I am the epitome of a nerd that reads books like Brave New World and then thinks about the social implications of it. I also like to plan my life. Example: after Thanksgiving dinner/lunch, my step dad and I looked at houses in the area I want to move after college via an iphone app and talked about which I could afford. Keep in mind that this is my second year in college and I am staying another year to get my masters. Unnecessary planning? Definition of.

But to the point: I suck at appropriately dealing with emotion situations. Sometimes I’m too distant, lately its been that I’m too emotional. I mean, it varies considerably. I just am really bad about gauging the situation and handling my emotions accordingly. So that’s probably the reason why I have sucked at handling this break up. I do feel like that’s changing though. Now that I have admitted that “you” have greatly changed my perspective, maybe I can deal with it. We haven’t really been talking the past few days, and as insignificant as a few days may seem, I’m not pleased. But I’m proud of myself for now texting “you” and seeming too needy. Because I’m not there anymore. You’ve officially lost me. And I desperately want you to miss me. You are always going to be “you”. And that sucks, because it means that I’ve lost you. You’re just the “you” now. And eventually, I’ll find a “him” that will change my mind.

But between “you” and me, I still hope with all my heart that you’ll be “him”.

Love Always,
Morgan