Sense

My inability to sleep tonight made me realize that tonight is a perfect night to read. So as I curled up on my couch with a blanket made for me by a friend and Sense and Sensibility, it suddenly occurred to me that love isn't what I'm craving. I know that I'll always love Cody and he'll always love me, whether things work out for us or not, which is kind of what its looking like right now. But that's beside the point. The feeling I want, that I think I need so badly isn't love or affection, but security. I want to feel like I matter, I want to feel valued. I need significance, not to be swept off my feet. I don't want a Mr. Darcy, I want to be Elizabeth. And the best part about it is that I like this realization. I feel like I'm getting back to who I really am, and I love that. I've accepted that I'll be sad for a while, that I'll say cynical things for a while. But, you know, as long as I don't lose sight of things, that's okay.

Nights like this give me hope; I need nights like this.