As Of Now

I wish I had a central theme right now, but I'm just writing to write, just writing to sort my thoughts. This kind of writing shouldn't be written over the internet, it should probably be kept to myself, but, you know, I'm learning that its okay to be vulnerable. I'm learning that its okay to be confused and heartbroken and miserable.

I feel like past blogs might have been a little encrypted and made it hard to understand exactly what's happening. I'm going to take this blog to just lay everything on the table and clear everything up, for myself and the few readers I have. First, Cody, my now ex-boyfriend, and I have been having an extremely rough patch; a rough patch that ultimately ended up with him breaking up with me. At first, it was a break, just to sort thoughts, then it was a "let's see other people" break. It soon turned into a "we're not compatible in a relationship kind of way" break up. Now its a "he's dating someone else and they say i love you less than a week after we broke up" kind of break up. Granted, they did talk while we were together. I don't really know if that changes anything though. There was a period of hope in which we both told ourselves this wasn't going to end our relationship, but I have to stop being delusional about it. Its over, we're struggling to be friends. I don't know, right now, we have agreed to still see each other because down deep we still need each other. I'm starting to realize that this is just as tough for him as it is for me.

And to make my fall break a little more disappointing, I was just diagnosed with swine flu. And I have lost my voice, completely. Yeah, ridiculous. Cody did bring me gatorade and helped me deal with feeling ridiculously awful last night, so I am very appreciative.

I'm alone tonight; I'm going to write as much as possible and use the next few days in quarantine to try and get my life together. There's an update on my life though, now my future posts will be more clear.

Love Always.